My lawyer made sure I didn't get screwed. Everything I have read involves the ADHD spouse recongizing the effect of their behavior on others. I don't think my husband would make that exact mistake, but for someone who prides himself on his great intelligence and his knowledge of economics and the stock market and such, he's not a good money manager. I probably will from this point forward, though. You must be hungry. But, we do, and I don't want to put them through that. I was a single mother for almost a decade before I met him, and it was much easier to take care of my child by myself than having a family with someone with ADHD. Because whatever it is, it is a choice to be vile and horrible and make those who love you miserable and frightened. Your own sanity is on the chopping block. Well, correction, I write down when she is but that is rare. He doesn't do things he doesn't want to do so why would you. Andin the end, I take a breath. I dobelieve that makes me an enabler, and I truly think that I am. I look through it, and I see him. They wouldn't even believe it. I know no one has a perfect marriage, I just want a husband instead of another child. The space-mindedness, lack of remembering things "we" say, insistence on being right, several dozens projects unfinished (some from when I was a toddler), doing anything for someone else outside of our home, but not seeming to be able to do anything but serve himself once back in our domain. And then one day I felt better. I like polkadots' suggestion about getting in touch with a shelter. It's like some sort of "conservation of trash bags" rule that women don't know about. Me I just went on as usual without a thought to whatit was going to doto my life when my body and mind began to give out for a long time. It's hard to see that transition taking place while you're in the middle of it. Please find a way do it, it need not be expensive just to find out your position (and considering what's at stake it's important to learn what the law has to say so if you can afford it *at all* then do it now, or look for a free 1/2 hr consultation). I'd just left him and my daughter to fend for themselves for dinner during my total tantrum. Just about everything else Ive read about matches (Unable to prioritize time or tasks. Submitted by lauren07 on Thu, 10/23/2014 - 23:03. And if you are, at least you'll know for sure what your options are. That deadline is up on Friday, so we'll see. Submitted by TTF on Thu, 02/26/2015 - 14:23. For me, there's also an element of just being so worn out from trying and really fearing that no matter what H did, I'm not capable of loving him again. i oscillate between dreaming of my future without him and fearing a future without him. There are also as you explained in your situation, issues of making promises to tackle something in the shared living space,but not completing what was promised. And I wait for a better time in our careers when we can affordto navigate the road to finding a suitable medication for him. That has nothing to do with ADHD when it comes down to it, that is completely selfish behavior based on a thinking structure that is highly flawed stemming from a selfish, greedy, self involved individual who feels that they have the right to hurt others for their own benefit simply because they can. I wouldn't necessarily be happier, but my life would be easier. He takes Adderall for it, his daughter also has it and takes it for hers too. I am more than four years on from getting to the end of a tether that had been fraying for most of the 20 year marriage. I'm 54 and he is 57. Even some single mothers get help from their family and friends. You are going through a lot. And it's too much responsibility for the 8 year old to have to watch her. Plus, I wouldn't want the girls to hear anything second hand. On paper - I did everything i was supposed to do. There may be at least one young person I know that I can pay for help. Wow, I've made my wife breakfast thousands of times and she has made mine a few and then never when I need it, only when she is under emotional pressure to remember I exist. I really don't care. Submitted by dedelight4 on Mon, 09/06/2021 - 16:31, Adele, if you don't mind me asking, how are things with you guys being engaged? But it only comes out on here. That's why he gets visibly pissed off even if he doesn't act on it and say anything angry, that's why he gets annoyed, because he is the victim in the situation of you approaching him to remind him of something he neglected to do. Some of it is luck. Its harder for him, it doesnt mean he is incapable. It appears you have done little research on ADHD or you would understand this 'crappy' and 'dreaded' behavior from this mentaldisorderis not gender specific. . I'm not thinking like that anymore. OMG, it's not just me. Here's WHY they do this. I was, but this is a story I think I have to tell (maybe it will help other people? Submitted by tippidog2 on Fri, 02/18/2022 - 23:25. Submitted by HATEMYLIFE on Sun, 08/21/2016 - 23:27. She believes the things she was taught and told to herby people who were doing the very same thing to heras she is doing to herself now and in turn.to other people which in my case.that would be me who she is doing this to. I just feel glad and grateful that I have children and a brain and my health (including robust mental health) - although I never take anything for granted. If you can harness it and learn to aim that focus, nothing is gonna stop you. I am new to the forum, new to being married (under 2 years) and new todealing with an ADHD husband (diagnosed November 2015). Solo is easier. That alone, took tons of time. Submitted by polkadots on Sat, 12/14/2013 - 10:30. He doesn't think he needs help. Well last week I tell him that I'm going to take them in that week and just go into work a few hours late. The problem is that IF the apparent lack of empathy comes from ADHD (distraction), it probably can be managed, now IF it is a true lack of empathy due toASPD, BPD or NPDthen no treatment for that! Nothing says 'I love you' like moving into the room next door. And I can tell my spouse really dislikes the idea that he just can't be relied on to complete a number of tasks competently or on time. They missed their call time for their lesson and cried from disappointment at being so late (lesson is only 30 mins--they swam for 10). It's where things start to fall about sometimesjust talking about the problem itself. He actually does use them sometimes, but if they are anywhere out of his way, he won't take the steps to get to them. (This someone is not an actual man I know, but that doesn't make my thoughts good.). Any success stories will greatly help me - even if I just gleam one or two additional strategies to try. So, I've been doing the workaround for 20 plusyears. I've done my time. He had good reasons, after all, right? In a nutshell, it may be that your wife is just a nasty person, in which case, I'm sorry. I tell him how we feel when he yells at us, he thinks he isn't yelling so it's not a problem. Some things he is very good at understanding, and other things, common sense -wise he just doesn't get. I'm fed up with being told what I'm supposed to do. The major difference between my first appearance and now is the thing that got me posting. Not that I thought it was a bad thing. he does have two spoiled dogs that demand constant attention and a brother who just moved in with Asperger's. There might be an occasional kleenex or two and it's gross but not the end of the world. I say this, but I don't live it! He slept on the couch (not my choosing but his) so without hesitation this morning i wrapped my arms around him and kissed the back of his head only to shoved away and told to STOP! he will be home soon. My husband regularly lies and exaggerates in order to bolster his self esteem or being in theknow. The last straw for him was that his wife simply could NOT remember to shut cupboards. My H ran out of clean clothes. Doing this and not letting anything go until later ..is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.as it seems, one of the last hold outs of my past ADHD symptoms and the toughest one to finally conquer. Unfortunately, as with any gift we give, we a never guaranteed that the receiver will appreciate its worth, nor its giving. I have raised 3 kids and do not want to take care of any more "children". I got a body. A week later I presented this experiment to him and asked if he had noticed. Submitted by LostInVA on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 17:27. I am so happy for you! He looks through it, and sees himself. Unfortunately for him, he turns it in on himself and suffers from OCD related anxiety because of it. The ONLY place I can come to spill the truth is this site. I'm the primary bread-winner and am quite successful (though I get along with people at work and change jobs infrequently) It should be noted that credit largely goes to my wife for pushing me to update a resume or two as I have virtually no ability to set goals and very little ambition. I work part-time now, but am considering quitting because, again, he still expects me to carry the whole load at home while he does his thing. Can't say I'd say I feel like I can rely on him, but when I had a cold recently, he actually offered to provide dinner, and a couple of times when I've recently come home from a brutal commute (I have a lot farther to go to work than he does), he has made hot chocolate for me after I came home. 2. I am not a nagging wife naturally. She feels unloved, unsupported and exhausted. This was due to his constantly waking her up in the middle of the night bumping the bed or other wise going to the bathroom (he is tall and rotund, so he could easily knock the bed waking someone up) and his insistenceon not doing anything (of course, the first step was admitting he had something) about his snoring. For example, once when his task was to take the dog to thesitter ahead of a trip, he added collecting a check from our renter, screwed up endorsing the check in his hasteand spent hours driving around the metro area trying toget a bank to cashit. You asked if we are seeing a therapist. Nothing. You are always hyper vulnerable to falling for someone else because you live in such a vacuum of a relationship that even a selfish non ADD person is a step up in terms of how you are treated. As long as there is happiness, I can handle flaws. That being said..I get it. It's not that he is evil. Any advice would be highly appreciated : ), Submitted by polkadots on Fri, 08/16/2013 - 20:34. I'm 30 years in and I can't see getting to 50 years in with a spouse who can't give me the time of day. Part of me worries if I leave he will do something dumb. Children are a blessing, regardless of the difficulty they are born into. He actually liked me. All that I understand. I've bailed his son out of trouble so many times because his Dad wouldn't. If I am stressed or sick, he isn't going to step in and pick up the slack for me. Yeah, I know, it's a silly hobby. ), and OMG it's the same thing. >>>>, Totally true! He does not even know, was not aware, lives in a world of his own fabrication where he is the center of fun and laughter. After all, it's not his/her fault that (s)he has this!". Can the love he feels be the fuel that drives a dedication to being the best version of himself? He makes changes but then regresses back to the same pattern. I believe they may still be in the honeymoon stage since she told me he shoveled the driveway for her regularly. I've had this discussion with mine and this is why he hesitates handing out diagnosis in general for this reason alone. I FEELold, tired, used, unworthy, unloving and useless..BUT ..I KNOW I am not those feelings. Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on Tue, 02/10/2015 - 12:23. Then I found he was allowing youngest to roam around in a huge public park alone, with no phone, on winter afternoons. That's where you CLEAN dishes. It was my way to find a new leg without cutting one off - in reference to you feeling like you would cut a leg off by divorcing. I'm the one googling "10 things to do before getting a divorce" these days. As ifwe would have the entire place to ourselves on a sunny summer HOT afternoonin a thriving metropolis no less? The only way this can change or for anything to be different.is to believe something different about yourself and the person you are with. I know gifts don't matter all that much, but it hurts to spend time thinking of a gift to delight him and then, in the end, not to get a gift at all. I had no idea that it was hyperfocus. But I have no gage, barometer or base line to measure from.. or any ability to know HOW MUCH or HOW BAD it really is to weigh that against anything I know myself.

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